SONDHEIM AT 80 Well, I made it through the month without losing my job—that’s a good thing. So far - and god I hope the bloodletting is done - at least 7 people have been laid off: John, Kate, Paula, Vivian, Victor, Jonathan, Brian, and I think there was 1 more but I can’t remember who. And one other person got a demotion. Anyhow, hopefully it’s all done with and Monday we begin again - well, begin at the middle at least. Vivian left on Friday and sent an email - I didn’t get it - saying it was her last day and keep in touch via facebook or her email. No, she and I didn’t get along. No love lost there. She’s a bitch. Ironic that someone in HR spent so much time on the phone doing personal things.
On Thursday the president walked by my desk and whispered that the marketing guru will be doing the rfp’s from now on. That means I’ll be doing other things. I’m not sure what. I think this can be an opportunity for me - I just wish I knew what it is they have in mind for me. I’ve heard it’s HR stuff - I hope it involves working with the company’s primary software and getting it in shape to actually do stuff. What a clusterfuck the software is.
Only 2 more therapy sessions and then summer break from mid-August to mid-September. Therapy’s going along okay. Right now I’m in a pretty good place. I haven’t quite gotten a handle on the food thing but the rest of my life is ok. My parents are well and healthy (so far thank god) my job is secure, I’m going away with my girlfriends in August to Grand Island NY - I can’t wait! - and my car is running.
I’ve been thinking about maybe moving - which really means buying a place - and I ran into a woman I know and gave her my resue - and these things make Laura, my therapist, think good things - I’m actually starting to want things and to imagine good things and express hopes and dreams.
Now if only I had a partner. It’s not that my friends who have husbands have lives that are better than mine - their lives are no better and no worse than mine simply because they have a husband - their lives are different from mine. But I’d like a partner - someone to hold me. I swear, it’s not the sex I miss (although I do miss sex and god will I have sex again before I die?) but I swear, I want someone to hold me and make me feel warm and safe and comforted. I know I’m the only one who can make me feel warm and safe and comforted but it would be nice to share a bed with a man who can put his arms around me and love me.
Stephen Sondheim turned 80 in March - 80! Can you believe it? I can’t. When I saw the Sondheim show a couple of months ago I was absolutely enthralled because the show was singing (Barbara Cook, Vanessa Williams, Tom Wopat and 3 others whose names I can’t pull out of my mind right now) and video of Sondheim himself. One of the things he said was he didn’t fall in love until he was 60. My reaction was “I have 7 years”. Here’s to being in love by 60 - wouldn’t that be nice?
Anyhow, the musical world has been going all kinds of happy because this is his 80th birthday year. Today’s BBC Prom #19 was devoted to Sondheim at 80 and it was wonderful. Bryn Terfel, Maria Friedman, Simon Russel Beale, Julian Ovenden whose rendition of Being Alive from Company gave me gooseflesh it was so moving oh my god it was fabulous, and Judi Dench (my favorite actress) doing Send in the Clowns from A Little Night Music. The concert was so freakin fabulous - I sang along with all the songs I knew (and it kind of annoys me when composers rewrite or add lyrics - completely throws me off my singing.) You can listen to it for the next 6 days here (part 1) www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/b00t1xnf and (part 2) www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/b00t1xnk I wish I could see it.
